Grits

Come here to discuss fishing for all types of panfish and catfish. We also want to hear your favorite fish recipes too!

Moderators: sumtershoaliefan, kokosing lover

Grits

Postby nielson » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:00 pm

What is Grits?

Nobody knows. Many people feel that grits are made from ground up bits of white corn. This is obviously a lie. Nothing as good as a Grits can be made from corn.

The most recent research suggests that the mysterious Manna that God rained down upon the Israelites during their time in the Sinai Desert was most likely Grits.

Critics disagree, stating that there is no record of butter, salt, or cheese raining down from the sky, and that
God would not punish his people by forcing them to eat Grits without these key ingredients.


How Grits are Formed


Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Southern Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and fierce attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).

Yankees have attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.


Historical Grits


As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, the Grits was not heard from for another 1000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and was kept from the public due to it's rarity.

The next mention of the Grits was found amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)


The 10 Commandments of Grits


I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is blasphemy
IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors Grits
V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits
VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
VII. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
VIII. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
IX. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
X. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either


How to Cook Grits


For one serving of Grits:
Boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little butter.
Add 5 Tbsp of Grits.
Reduce to a simmer and allow the Grits to soak up all the water.
That's all there is to cooking grits.


How to Eat Grits


Immediately after removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous portion of butter or margarine. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter or margarine.) The butter should cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow. (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors match, you have the correct amount of butter.)



Next, add salt. (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10 grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.)



Cheese is optional. However if you wish to add cheese, cut it into 1/4" squares and add immediately before you eat your Grits. You do not want your cheese to melt completely.



Now begin eating your grits. Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.



The correct beverage to serve with Grits is Milk or Chocolate Milk. (WARNING: Use whole milk only - DO NOT use 2% or, God forbid, Skim Milk.) Your grits should always be eaten in a bowl.



Never use a plate to eat Grits.



Ways to Eat Leftover Grits (Leftover grits are extremely rare)


Spread them in the bottom of a casserole dish, cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the Grits into squares and fry them in
1/2" of cooking oil and butter until they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.



LONG LIVE GRITS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
User avatar
nielson
Green and Gold Thigh
 
Posts: 3966
Joined: Wed Jun 15, 2005 8:44 pm
Location: Athens

Postby sumtershoaliefan » Wed Aug 20, 2008 1:22 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

SSF
User avatar
sumtershoaliefan
2007 GRF Angler Of The Year
 
Posts: 3939
Joined: Tue Jun 14, 2005 8:09 am
Location: Americus GA

Re: Grits

Postby Titaniumman » Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:02 pm

nielson wrote:What is Grits?

How Grits are Formed
Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure. It takes over 1000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit mines are in Southern Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed guards and fierce attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question).

V. Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits


What a bunch of malarkey! Jim has obviously been hanging out with Matthew Whitton and Ricky Dyer.

I come from a long line of grit farmers. We used to have hundreds of acres of grit orchards. I can remember to this day, getting out there on ladders and picking grits.

Thank goodness Eli Whitney invented the Grit Gin. Until then, it took almost a day for one person to shuck just a tablespoon of grits.

One other topping suitable for grits is the yolk of an over medium fried egg along with salt, pepper, and butter.
User avatar
Titaniumman
Green and Gold Thigh
 
Posts: 1820
Joined: Tue Mar 28, 2006 9:31 pm
Location: Adams Ferry Road - Flint River

Postby Seminole Steve » Wed Aug 20, 2008 2:07 pm

That is great, especially about the cream of wheat. Disgusting stuff.

I grew up watching my mom eat that stuff. In NJ, of course.

Here is a clip from one of the best movies ever made, and my wife's all-time favorite movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYoYPJ5uwFg
University of Alabama fans telling Auburn that they cheated is like Snookie telling Halle Berry that she is ugly. You just have to laugh.
- Charles Barkley
User avatar
Seminole Steve
Green and Gold Thigh
 
Posts: 1310
Joined: Wed Jan 03, 2007 3:15 pm
Location: Auburn University

Postby Jay » Wed Aug 20, 2008 7:13 pm

Some liberals want to place Grits on the Endangered Species list. When you outlaw grits, only outlaws will have grits. You can have my grits when you can pry them from my cold, dead fingers. Grits, butter, and salt made America: lets keep all three. Don't "lock up" our public grits for the benefit and enjoyment of the East coast liberal elitists.
Jay
Massive Etowah Striper
 
Posts: 497
Joined: Tue Aug 08, 2006 9:18 pm
Location: Watkinsville, Ga

Hey Nielson....

Postby VolDawg » Thu Aug 28, 2008 10:50 am

Your receip for grits is almost perfect.

Use milk instead of water and you will discove manna from heaven....my grandmother used buttermilk. Now that is unique.

:D
Definition of a VolDawg:

A Tennessee Volunteer who lives among the BullDawg Nation and who supports the BullDawgs every day of the year, 'cept one.............;-)
User avatar
VolDawg
Turtle on a Log
 
Posts: 18
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2006 9:36 am
Location: Nicholson, Ga


Return to Bream Fishin', Catfishin', and Cookin' Em Up!

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest

cron